Linda
I can’t even. My dreams won’t let me forget. How can I? But I know there’s not even a chance that it will happen, you’ve made that clear. So am i just a fool then?
I’ve had friends who only talk to me like we’re friends when there’s no one else in the room they know. Suddenly I’m their best friend, and in 10 min I know everything that’s been happening in their life since the last year we talked; last year! Sometimes that is what I don’t get about college. We don’t all have to be friends. It is hard for me to envelope the fakeness of relationships I’m in. For example I meet a ‘friend’ on my way to class and we have a short conversation that ends in
“Yh! We should hang out soon! I’ll text you we’ll get dinner.”
It is basically okay if I don’t get that text and if I see my friend again a month later we can schedule a bogus movie date. I’d rather just have one close friend than a hundred of these spurious relationships.
How we wait for the bus (Taken with instagram)
It’s been a long journey and I realized I lost myself along the way. But I’ve been reevaluating, laughing and crying and going through a spectrum of emotions so similar and different at the same that it’s hard to describe. I wish my problems were one dimensional, and I could point it out and say I’m unhappy because of this. But I cant.
May 14th, my problem was just one. I was crushed and confused, and my life seemed to be on pause, my body in limbo. Then gradually everything else fell apart, until it was just me there. Everything was gone and lost except for me. Me was now a stranger to me. I was at a crossroads, between the old me and this new person that was staring back at me in the mirror. The old me had joy, strength, self-respect and a future. The new me was dependent, addicted and a shadow of a life I once lived.
I had to take time to think, to compare and contrast between these two people. I wish that I hadn’t been jolted to this consciousness the way you are when ice-cold water is splashed in your face while you nap outside on your veranda. Your sister has played a prank for you, but you’re not too sure what’s happening yet because you still want to be sleeping… to be dreaming. I do not digress.
For a long time I wished it all a dream still. That the cameras would come out and they would say the joke was on me. That they would have their ‘ha ha has’ and things would go back to normal. But then I realized that normal was a fiction of my imagination, and that things had never really been normal for me since 2002.
So I had to accept it, I didn’t want to but I had to.
That’s what you might not understand. That I have to. I have no other choice. Don’t you see? I cannot kick and scream. I cannot beg and plead. I have never been able to afford to be irrational. That is why the old me doesn’t believe in crying over spilt milk.
I cannot say yet which one I’m turning to. the old or the new. I’m not saying everything is A-Okay. I’m saying that I am now self-aware. That I can step back and take a look. I can see that things could be much worse. Therefore I will not wallow. I will be free.
(Source: simplyheavenlyfood)
As long as we think about our grief and losses in life, we will be miserable; but as soon as we think about God’s amazing goodness, our mood will improve.
How do we make love stay?
One minute its here the next its gone
Wish only to stay with electric current
And not hear the thunder crush it down
How do we make love stay
How do we make love stay
I only want to know because it took minutes
One minute you adore , the next you don’t
How do we move away from sunshine and sunsets
How do we get to tears and what do we do about the damage
Do i wish i held on to the moment with us
or do i wish i spat in your face
Do i wish we never stopped kissing
Or do i wish i had never known your love
Faster, he said, to the beat of the sound
Let our love explode and reach for the skies
But the center could not hold and things fell apart
Our love fell apart
How do we make love stay
I want to know
Maybe i’d try to hold on to you
Maybe I’ll save it for the next one
But really
How do we make love stay?
My modeling stint (Taken with instagram)
dont take me there
my heart is small
it cant stand heart break and lies
(Source: simplyheavenlyfood)
Not Broken-Hearted but a Broken and Contrite Heart (Taken with instagram)
(Source: spiritualinspiration, via vernalikewhoa)
